


Secret Love Song

by LarryLashton98



Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: Alex is upset, Crying, Emotional Hurt, Insomnia, Insomniac Alex Claremon-Diaz, Inspired by Music, M/M, Music, Secret Love Song - Little Mix, Songfic, little mix - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:21:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23780746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LarryLashton98/pseuds/LarryLashton98
Summary: Alex can't sleep because he's distressed about him and Henry having to 'date' other people. He puts on some music and stumbles upon a song he relates to all too well.
Relationships: Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor
Comments: 12
Kudos: 57





	Secret Love Song

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing for this fandom as well as my first time writing a songfic!  
> If you could let me know how it turned out, that would be much appreciated!
> 
> The title is from Secret Love Song by Little Mix.

Alex groaned as he looked at the time. 4:16. He’d promised Henry that he’d go to sleep over an hour ago. No matter how hard he tried to turn off his brain, he couldn’t make himself fall asleep. His stomach was tight and uncomfortable as he thought about how Henry had to go on that date with June and Alex with Nora. He had promised Henry that he wouldn’t make him lie about who he was, but here he was, just like everyone else. Letting his boyfriend go on a miserable date with his sister.

Alex sat up and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. He wouldn’t get to sleep for a while if he kept thinking like this. Deciding to try something new, he looked up a playlist of quiet songs, in hopes that their soft melodies could put him to sleep.

A few songs in, his mind was still as active as ever. The music hadn’t been as soothing as he was wanting and he was about to turn it off when another song started. It had a quiet piano intro before an equally quiet female voice started singing.

Putting his phone back down, Alex closed his eyes and decided to give the song a chance.

_ We keep behind closed doors _

_ Every time I see you, I die a little more _

_ Stolen moments that we steal as the curtain falls _

_ It'll never be enough _

_ As you drive me to my house _

_ I can't stop these silent tears from rolling down _

_ You and I both have to hide on the outside _

_ Where I can't be yours and you can't be mine _

_ But I know this, we got a love that is homeless _

Alex’s thoughts immediately went to Henry. Gorgeous Henry who Alex wasn’t allowed to be with because they were both boys and sons of leaders. Gorgeous, miserable Henry who hated having to go on a ‘date’ with June for the sake of the public. For the crown.

_ Why can't I hold you in the street? _

_ Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor? _

_ I wish that it could be like that _

_ Why can't it be like that? 'Cause I'm yours _

_ Why can't I say that I'm in love? _

_ I wanna shout it from the rooftops _

_ I wish that it could be like that _

_ Why can't it be like that? 'Cause I'm yours _

The girl singing somehow managed captured exactly how Alex was feeling. He wanted that with Henry and it wasn’t fair that he couldn’t kiss Henry in the streets or on the dance floor. He was Henry’s and Henry was his, but no one could know.

_ It's obvious you're meant for me _

_ Every piece of you, it just fits perfectly _

_ Every second, every thought, I'm in so deep _

_ But I'll never show it on my face _

_ But we know this, we got a love that is hopeless _

Henry was perfect for him; he’d never found someone who complimented him so well. They were like two pieces of a puzzle, side by side, made to fit each other, but had to pretend to be ‘just best friends’ and were forced to ‘date’ other people. People who didn’t fit them quite like the other.

_ Why can't you hold me in the street? _

_ Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor? _

_ I wish that it could be like that _

_ Why can't we be like that? 'Cause I'm yours _

_ Why can't I say that I'm in love? _

_ I wanna shout it from the rooftops _

_ I wish that it could be like that _

_ Why can't we be like that? 'Cause I'm yours _

The piano was building and the chorus was sung with a powerful voice, dragging Alex into the song. He wanted people to know that Henry was his. He wanted everyone to know that they were together and they were perfect and were meant to be together. He  _ wanted _ to shout it from the rooftops. He already knew he wanted to and the pain in the girl’s voice urged him on, pushing him to want it more and more.

_ I don't wanna live love this way _

_ I don't wanna hide us away _

_ I wonder if it ever will change _

_ I'm living for that day, someday _

_ When you hold me in the street _

_ And you kiss me on the dance floor _

_ I wish that we could be like that _

_ Why can't we be like that? 'Cause I'm yours, I'm yours _

The need in him was building with the music. He felt like he was being swept away, pulled out with the tide. They didn’t like having to hide. He didn’t want to hide the fact that he and Henry were in love. He talked to Henry about the day they were living for. About being out so that they could, one day, be free and together.

_ Why can't you hold me in the street? _

_ Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor? _

_ I wish that it could be like that _

_ Why can't it be like that? 'Cause I'm yours _

_ Why can't I say that I'm in love? _

_ I wanna shout it from the rooftops _

_ I wish that it could be like that _

_ Why can't we be like that? 'Cause I'm yours _

The music cut off after a crescendo and he felt the final chord resonating deep inside him. The piano and voices echoed within him and Alex found himself holding his breath, waiting as if the world was on pause.

_ Why can't we be like that? _

_ Wish we could be like that _

Her voice was quiet and rough and Alex wanted to ask why they  _ couldn’t _ be like that. They wanted to be like that. He wanted to scream in frustration. Sniffing, Alex swiped a hand across his face and was startled to find it wet with tears. He thought of the first verse when the singer mentioned silent tears.

A different song started playing, too rough for Alex’s raw emotions. He backed to the previous song and set it to repeat one.

Alex laid there, crying silently into the dark as he listened to the song over and over, thinking about how unfair it was that he and Henry had to hide and how much they both hated it.

Eventually, he picked up his phone and checked to see what it was called so he could download it.  _ Secret Love Song, Pt. II _ by Little Mix. He shared it with Henry before laying back down and letting the soft, emotional music lull him to sleep.

  
  
  
  
  


**Hey, heard this and thought of you. Of us.**

**Xoxo A**

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it, please leave kudos or comment what you thought! :D


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